Christmas comes early at the Seattle Center

Dear friends,

It is a very good week.

As many of you know, last semester I was given an assignment as part of my legal writing class to write a brief representing the city of Seattle again Michael Berger AKA “Magic Mike.” To give you a basic overview, Magic Mike likes to perform outside at the Seattle Center but thinks that the permit system they have in place as well as the area restrictions on performances are a violation of his First Amendment rights (he can still perform, he just needs to pay $5 a year and stay 30 feet away from other Center attractions and captive audiences). It was hard to have a ton of sympathy for the guy though considering that the permit system was put into place based on complaints by members of the public and other performers and that 70% of these complaints were either about or BY Mike.

So without getting into more specifics, I’ll just say that few people, even members of the other class whose task it was to represent the balloon-wielding appellant, liked this guy. In fact, he sort of made our semesters hellish. So when I found out that I would be going to Seattle to work one of my old conferences after finals, I joked that I was going to hunt Mike down and give him a piece of my mind. I really like the idea of also giving him a stack of the 28 different briefs, going on a rant about the pain he caused us law students, and maybe wacking him with one of his own balloon creations. Maybe this would have been overly dramatic, but so is claiming severe emotional distress over restrictions on balloon artistry.

I went to Seattle and it was a terrific vacation/break from the east coast. I hiked a mountain with my friend, wandered through the city and drank coffee, found some good used bookstores, facilitated a conference to some great kids, and enjoyed some beautiful Seattle sunshine. Sunday was my last day in the city and after finishing up the conference my friends and I went into the city to wander. By the end of the night we found ourselves at the Seattle Center for the Northwest Folklife Festival. Totally random but awesome. Three big stages, thousands of people, tons of vendors – it was a huge event. At 10:30 the festival began to wind down and we started to make our way to an exit. My friends and I paused near a carousel to discuss the game plan for the rest of the night and that is when I turned around and saw him. The spongebob shirt. The balloon hat. I recognized the man immediately from his website and spun around, an ecstatic look on my face.

“THAT’S MAGIC MIKE!” I exclaimed in a loud whisper to my group confused non-law students. They didn’t really get why I was so psyched to see an old man in a balloon hat dressed up in a spongebob t-shirt but I didn’t let that phase me. All that mattered was that I had somehow stumbled upon the magician himself. I patiently waited my turn as he finished making a balloon sculpture for a little boy. As I watched him sit glumly and twist the balloons as people all headed past him for exits, it hit me how sad Magic Mike really is. He seemed so dejected, so out of it. I would not hire him for my child’s birthday party, that is for sure. But I did feel badly for him. All he wanted to do was to perform his tricks below the space needle. Had I gotten so into my role as Seattle’s lawyer that I had blinded myself to justice?

Finally the child left and I stepped up to Berger, as he's known in the legal world. I told him I was a law student and that we had done a project on his case. That was basically all I got to say. From then on, he just talked about his rights, about how the Center was ridiculous, about how he had all these problems, about how the ruling was expansive, about how he thinks this is dangerous for America. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that I had actually represented the other side. But it seems he didn't really care what I thought anyway. I nodded along for a while before finally asking if I could just get a picture with him. We took the picture… and then he talked some more. I began to understand why the other performers had filed complaints about him. He might be sad but he was ALSO irritating. Finally I was able to get away as my group of friends was becoming more antsy and more confused at my interest in the random street performer. He called after me:

“Wait! I didn’t get your name!”

I told him my name... first name only though. I’ll admit it – I was a little nervous. Of what? I'm not sure. I'm still sort of worried that he'll use his powers to find THIS. He then lifted his massive balloon hat from his head, reached out, and handed it to me. It was big, colorful, and had a small red balloon flower hanging from the end like a carrot that tempts a cartoon runner. I protested, saying that it was ok, I was taking a flight the next day, etc, but he still gave it to me. Then he told me to tell my law school friends that he has set up a fund and that anything we can donate to him on his website would be good. He suggested “$1, $10, $100 or more.” Glad to see he has realistic expectations about law student bank accounts.

The next day at the airport, I tried to get the hat through security. They wouldn’t let me wear it, but I DID send it through the scanner. It actually got stuck in there and they had to fish it out in 3 pieces. I felt like this was an appropriate ending. Though I threw out the bulk of the balloon monstrosity before boarding my flight back home, I did keep the small red balloon flower. I like to think of it as a badge of honor; spoils from a hard fought war called 1L year.

Goodbye forever, Magic Mike. But thanks for the memories… and the balloons.

Attack by stingray

Last night I had a dream that I was on a boat in the middle of a very beautiful ocean. It was a stark contrast to the library and I liked it. However, I still had my laptop with me. Go figure.

No sooner did I have the chance to enjoy the view that I fell into the ocean.. with my laptop. I tried to hold it above my head and keep it away from the water while trying to tread and keep my own head above the waves... but I was not that successful. Someone jumped in to rescue me and when I got back onto the boat I eagerly opened the computer to see if it was ok. It was dry... but something was wrong.

The captain informed me that my laptop was ruined because a stingray had attacked and I guess shot out some poison? Do stingrays even shoot poison? Anyway, the Captain told me I was lucky I was not hurt. However, apparently THIS type of stingray gave you no hope of computer recovery.
"Really?!?" I asked desperately.
The captain shook his head sadly.
"This is the way of the ocean."

I looked at my computer. The screen was eerily blank and the keyboard was gone. Instead there was just weird brown haze over it, almost like it had been burned. Suddenly, the whole base peeled off and there were teeth and sticky things inside. Like innards. The screen turned on but it was all neon and looked like it was on some form of computer LSD.

I tried to think positively. Maybe my applecare would cover this! I did pay for the extra insurance!! But somehow I figured attack by stingray did not fall under the warranty...

And amid all this - the water, the attack, the teeth in the computer (???), I remember thinking "Well, at least I backed up my outlines yesterday"

Law school really does change the way you think.