Cannibalism, and other fun labor day activities

Here are some short summaries of the cases I have read over this long weekend, for your enjoyment. This way, you too can learn the law! While not in formal case briefing format, I still think they give a good sense of the issues (and of some of the ridiculousness of the law).

Torts:
Can you sue a 5 year old for pulling a chair out from under an old woman who was about to sit there if he did it intentionally? Turns out you not only CAN, but you can get $11,000 in the process. Pretty sweet, if you don't mind that whole bringing a lawsuit against a kindergartener part of the deal.

Criminal Law:
If you are shipwrecked in a small boat and decide to kill the kid who’s too weak from starvation and dehydration to defend himself, you may get a good meal out of it but it turns out you WILL be tried for cannibalism (casually referred to back then as the "custom of the sea")... because after ignoring it for a while, it finally became time in 1884 to set the example that eating your shipmates does not make for good sailing.

Property:
Yes, the Native Americans were here first but really, they were just savages who didn’t know how to use the land so it’s not a big issue that they can’t technically OWN any of it. But hey, we still let them live here because we believe in freedom, justice and all that other stuff in our constitution.
(By the way, in reading this case I had the enchanting melody “Savages!” stuck in my head from that oh-so-politically-correct Disney movie Pocahontas. If you don’t know the song, I do NOT suggest googling the lyrics. They’re possibly more offensive than this case itself)