It's almost the end of 2L year and I've been studying hard and reading way too much yet I often feel like I have not retained much information. I worry that despite the work I put in, I will forget what I learned in law school and have trouble remembering things when I am a practicing attorney (assuming I get through that whole bar exam thing first).
But earlier this Easter Sunday, I was given hope. I realized that I might actually have a chance at becoming a good lawyer.
I got a text from a friend asking for legal advice about a very important, very serious matter and, based on the conversation I've transcribed below, I think you can see that I am clearly on my way to arguing before the Supreme Court. After all, "Cadbury Cream eggs" might not be explicitly mentioned in the Constitution (I mean, neither is privacy! But that's a whole different can of worms) but what type of country IS this, really, if we do not interpret "life, liberty, or property" to include delicious chocolate-covered treats and also, sugar-coated animal-shaped marshmellows? That's what I'm saying.
"Client": In your expert legal opinion, do I have a case against my Jewish friend for eating all my Easter candy?
Me: Is your friend a governmental entity? If you can swing that I can help you argue that his actions violated your free exercise rights!
"Client": Nahh he’s straight up private sector. Damn. Looks like I have to wait for the candy clearances tomorrow.
Me: We could also argue intentional infliction of emotional distress. Or simple stealing or trespassing
"Client": Ohhh yes yes I like that. So much emotional distress! And definitely stealing. But trespassing is tough since he kinda lives with me
Me: Trespass to chattel! Chattel being peeps, obviously
"Client": No way we could swing it as a hate crime?
Me: Might depend on your state law. If you think motivation was to hurt you and not just enjoy candy, might be a case! I think at minimum though you deserve restitution in the form of candy damages - he should replace what he ate
"Client": I've got a better chance of winning the lotto than that happening
Yes, I AM available for hire. Please contact to discuss rates. Discount for "not-yet-technically-admitted-to-the-bar" currently applies!
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1 comment:
i'd like to file suit against all of the stores that i went into last week for not having cadbury cream eggs. i feel they discriminated against my right to become a true american: getting morbidly obese.
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