One of these things is not like the other

I was typing up my Evidence notes today and in an effort to have lots of info fit onto small flashcards, I tend to abbreviate many words.  Evidence --> ev, Admissible --> admiss, etc.

Microsoft Word normally lets me get away with these things.  Yes, it underlines the offending words in red, as if I need reminders that opp and req and crim aren't real words, but whatever.  It happens.

Today, however, I typed in ctroom, my shorthand for Courtroom.  And what did Word not simply underline in red but autocorrect it to?

Cathouse.

Not the same, Word, not the same.  Though it would change the face of American jurisprudence... and other parts as well, I guess ;)  

Naptime?

As Beyonce so aptly put it, "if I were a booooyyyyy"

Think there is some sort of equivalent for the lady folk out there who want the occasional library nap? Please advise.

trick or treat?

I have some really great friends.  A couple of them visited the other weekend from New York and brought with them a big box of goodies, each individually wrapped in tissue paper; one for me to open every day of bar study.  Is that the best, or what?  So far I have gotten a lot of awesome loot (coupon for coffee, chocolate, tissues (for crying when I break down?), bubbles, mini bottle of absolute, etc) but today's present made me laugh out loud.

I unwrapped the tissue paper and found a small box, roughly the size of a coaster.  On the front it says "help:  I have an aching body."  And on the back is the best drug warning I have ever read.  It states "This is ibuprofen.  It isn't a sweet candy treat.  We wouldn't try to trick you by coating it with sugar."

Amazing.  Thanks, friends :)

I pity the fool who writes multiple choice questions

This is a question I just encountered in practice multiple choice questions on criminal law.  If you're really clever, you too will figure out who these characters are supposed to be.  Way to go, Barbri, injecting "humor" into our weekend.  This makes everything much better and I don't hate the bar anymore!

False.  That was a lie.  Did you spot it?  Nice work.  That reminds me: we need more (read: any) T/F questions on this exam.  Mr. T and Chuck Norris may be amusing but they don't give me a 50/50 shot of getting questions right.

For your legal reasoning pleasure:

Chuck Chan, a martial arts master and renowned actor, was at a bar with several friends when he saw another renowned actor, Mr. R. For several weeks, Mr. R had been calling Chuck a "fool" and other derogatory names because Chuck had been cast in several made for TV movies that Mr. R had also auditioned for.  In addition, Mr. R was insanely jealous of Chuck's critical acclaim and unfathomable popularity.  In this spirit, Mr. R approached Chuck and claimed carnal relations with Chuck's mother, sister, and girlfriend.  Chuck, clearly enraged, leapt off of his bar stool and stormed from the bar toward his apartment, which was several blocks away.  Mr. R followed for several blocks, yelling obscenities, all the way to Chuck's apartment building. Infuriated by Mr. R's barrage of insults, Chuck delivered a sudden and forceful round house kick to Mr. R's chest as soon as the pair entered the lobby.  Mr. R fell backward, slammed his head on the marble floor, and died on the way to the hospital.
Assuming the facts as stated, which of the following best reflects the crime for which Chuck Chan may be convicted?
(a) Second degree murder
(b) First degree manslaughter
(c) Second degree manslaughter
(d) No crime because the lobby was part of his dwelling, so Chuck Chan was not under a duty to retreat

...Ok.  after re-reading it, that IS pretty funny.  Especially the carnal relations with Chuck's mom, sister, and girlfriend.  But "unfathomable popularity"?  I beg to differ, Barbri.

Texts from hell: part 1 of ???

Me:  Oh my god.  [Friend who will remain nameless], I got 2 out of 11 right on NYT contracts mult choice. SHOOT ME IN THE FACE. 
Friend: Its okay, I got lower than chance on one of the practice multiple choice sets today. So you're not the only who is fucked.
Me: I want to die :( this is the most demoralizing thing ever 
Friend: I hate it. And the worst part is that I can't focus. So I feel like a failure not just BC I suck but also BC I can't get anything done.
Me: i know. I am beginning to just feel swallowed up by all of it. helpppp.
Friend: Me too. There's no way to keep up. 
Me: can i interest you in dinner  on Wed. as something to look forward to??
Friend: Unless I kill myself first, let's say yes.
Me: same goes for me. If we cant find some sort of magic smart pill maybe we can at least find some hemlock...
Friend: The real socratic method.  Law students till the end!

*** Note: some people have expressed concern to me that it sounds like I am majorly depressed and in deep trouble.  While I may be in deep trouble, these posts are meant more in jest and as a way to vent frustrations than as an actual cry for help.  Though really, if you have any, ANY help, that would be really good for me to know about right about now.  But anyway, I am surviving and this blog is just one way for me to try to stay slightly sane.  I am not taking hemlock.  I promise.***

Race to the Finish

Some definitions:

implode |imˈplōd|: verbcollapse or cause to collapse violently inward :[ intrans. ] the windows on both sides of the room had imploded [ trans. ] : these forces would implode the pellet to a density 100 times higher than that of lead.explode |ikˈsplōd|: verbburst or shatter violently and noisily as a result of rapid combustion, decomposition, excessive internal pressure, or other process, typically scattering fragments widely : a large bomb exploded in a park.• [ trans. ] cause (a bomb) to do this : the USSR had not yet exploded its first nuclear weapon.• technical undergo a violent expansion in which much energy is released as a shock wave : lead ensures that gasoline burns rather than explodes.• (of a person) suddenly give expression to violent and uncontainable emotion, esp. anger : he can explode with anger | [withdirect speech ] “This is ludicrous!” she exploded.
The question is, which is more likely to happen to my brain first?  My vote is with explosion.  Though I think the dictionary has it wrong when it implies that explosion of a person can only be expressive.  Let my brain soon be a case study for Webster's.  At least it will do someone out there some good.

To speak with a customer service representative, press AHHHH

On Friday night my friend and I got together for an evening of indian take out and NY practice review.  At 9:15 I got a call from a 212 number I didn't recognize.

"Hello??"
"Hi, this is Christine, your Barbri representative.  This is just a courtesy call to see how everything is going.  How are you?"
(laughter on my end, maybe confusing Christine)
"I'm... ok," I answered.
"Can I help you with anything?" asked Christine, ever so friendly.
"Like, with law?" I inquired hopefully.
"Um, no.  Not with law.  But can I help you with something else?"
"Oh... no.  that's ok.  Thank you anyway though."
"Ok.  Have a good night!!"

I wonder if Christine is a law student, a lawyer, or a future law student, and whether her job has scared her away from ever going to law school.  I also wonder how many other people have simply laughed when she asked if there was any way she could help.  Thanks for sort of being there, barbri.  Good to know that money is going somewhere...

Crayola dreams and contract nights

In the spring of my junior year of High School I took an advanced art class that I loved.  My teacher was lovely and at the end of the semester encouraged me to apply to art school.  "RISD!" she exclaimed.  "Or Parsons!"

"Hmm, I like art," I remember thinking to myself, "but I should really go to college and have some sort of profession... I can always do art on the side..."

Fast forward eleven years into the future.  Scene:  bleary eyed Barbri student hunched over flashcards on a Saturday evening, drawing pictures of various forms of incapacitated persons in order to remember contract law; using colored markers to label outlines and getting way too much satisfaction out of color-coding with washable markers.  Art is so nice.  So pretty.  Where oh where did I go wrong?

Regrets:  I haz em

Behind the Bar(s)

My new favorite study haunt this summer is a coffee shop called Mugshots.  Lots of sitting space, cozy feel, public radio playing, lots of veggie snack options - basically just wondering why I haven't moved in sooner!  The name "Mugshots" is especially clever given that the shop sits right across the street from the Eastern State Penitentiary, "America's Most Historic Prison."  It closed in 1970 but still, as you sit drinking your fair trade coffee, you can see the penitentiary's massive walls out the window.  It's actually a beautiful structure.... until a sinking feeling hits you and you realize the cruel, cruel irony of the fact that your favorite place to study for the bar is right outside a freaking prison.  Summer of hell, you are upon me.

Mnemonic Fail

For those unfamiliar with freedom of religion law, there's basically one magic Amendment (the First) and two magic clauses: the free exercise clause and the establishment clause.  Today in Barbri we were going over these clauses in about 5 minutes.  Which, I should mention, was a very different experience from my semester-long course on the two clauses (Church & State), but who's bringing little things like THAT up when the professor starts the lecture by advising you not to question or basically think for yourself in this area of the exam because the bar examiners don't like that and aren't looking for controversy, so just write down what he says and smile.

He goes over the free exercise clause in about 30 seconds (sorry, religion!) and then moved on to the three-part test for the Establishment Clause, which he had a handy little mnemonic for:  SEX.

1. S - a Secular purpose for the law is required
2. E - the primary Effect must be neither to advance nor inhibit religion, and
3. X - there must not be eXcessive government entanglement with religion.

In typing up my notes later I tried to come up with a way to associate sex with the establishment clause.  Sadly, I realized that the professor had squandered the mnemonic on the wrong clause.  Sex = free exercise!

However, I think there's still a link for the legitimate clause.  It just came to me!  AND it's actually appropriate for my feelings towards the bar:  Fuck the Establishment.

That's right, New York bar examiners - I'm talking to you.

Words and what they do NOT mean: What I have learned about NY Practice and Procedure after 10+ hrs of Barbri lectures

So I am taking the bar this summer.  Somehow after 3 years of law school this has snuck up on me.  And you know what that means?  This is probably going to be one of the best summers of my life... if you measure "best" in terms of levels of crazy (least crazy being the least fun, obviously).  I do happen to find humor in the crazy, so I figured that even if I am able to memorize very little of this stuff and live in constant fear of failure, I can at least stay semi-entertained by keeping some notes on the process!  And so, I present the first of what will be hopefully many musings on bar review.  Consider yourself one step closer to your OWN admission to the bar...

Replevin – does this actually sound like Rumpelstiltskin?  Not at all.  And yet that is all I can think about when I hear it.  A selfish gnome creature who steals babies.  Not “an order to seize chattel in an action to recover the chattel.”  Though maybe we can think of the stolen babies as chattel.  And while we’re on words that sound funny:  chattel?!?  Like cattle, but chattel can be cattle OR pens OR my bike.  Maybe like cattle + chair = chattel.  Both are chattel.  Too bad I didn’t need help memorizing that one!

Garnishee – this is a third person who holds a defendant’s property interest or owes a debt to the defenant.  But in MY world a garnishee is a cross between a banshee and spring of parsley. Maybe I should just picture the garnishee being a banshee who is holding the defendant’s parsley till judgment is made???  But the classic garnishee is a bank.  So maybe this banshee is chilling in Bank of America.   Yessss.  Done.

Impoundment – and all this time I though that when a car was “impounded” it was literally pounded in/crushed.  Whoops.  Turns out impoundment happens when a sheriff seizes your chattel and retains custody of it, in order to insure enforcement of a judgment awarding possession of your chattel to the plaintiff.  The dictionary also says that you can “impound” an animal, by “shutting up” in a pound or shelter.  Now I am really glad I know that impound does not mean crush flat.  Poor stray kittens!