Me v. Orville Reddenbacher??

If torts is over, then why am I still thinking about it?

I took my four hour test this morning. It is now done and I can burn my outline if I want (though I put so much work into that damn thing... particularly with the colored markers...) and I was home while the sun was out so I made some popcorn... and in opening the package I noticed that the directions of how to pop it were written in english and spanish, and there were also pictures that showed you how to a) put into a microwave b) listen for the sound of popping c) open the package after. Immediately I thought "Hmm, I wonder if this came about through a products liability case where the warning was inadequate. After all, you need to have the right label for the consumers your product is aimed at, and this sometimes means that you needs visual imagery. I wonder if these pictures help people not burn themselves. I wonder what sort of popcorn accidents people have gotten into. Burned from the bag when opening it? There was no warning that listening with your head up to the microwave like that may lead some to develop brain cancer... necessary? negligent? Strict liability? AHHHH!!"

Will I ever be able to ignore warning labels again? I wonder.

The relevant facts

I love it when a case begins like this:

"The relevant facts are undisputed... All agree that Lake Tahoe is "uniquely beautiful," that president Clinton was right to call it a "national treasure that must be protected and preserved," and that Mark Twain aptly described the clarity of its waters as "not merely transparent, but dazzingly, brilliantly so."

I'm glad we all agree.
I also have to note that when you turn the page there is a full blown glossy color picture of Lake Tahoe (or so I assume because there is no caption). There has never been nor are there any other glossy pictures in my book. Though sometimes there are other random pictures, like a woman with her cat or, more recently, a full page portrait of Justice Holmes. Is this actually funny or have I just been reading casebooks for too long?

I wish I could say that it's things like this that get me through property. Unfortunately, it being finals, nothing gets me through anything anymore. MRwahhh.

What not to watch

I haven't written anything in a while. I know. Turns out there is a negative correlation between how funny cases seem and how close finals become. I just got home from attempting to find warm places to study all over this city (seriously - I sat in 5 places today) and I turned on the tv to zone out for a few minutes while I cooked some dinner. Even when I try to watch something dumb, the law finds me. This is the advertisement for a holiday movie that came on. You may think I am joking. I swear I am not.

Flashes of Melissa Joan Hart and Mario Lopez on screen. Marissa looks happy but in a crazed way that sort of says "I may still be a witch." Mario looks frightened yet confident in a "I am cooler than Zach Morris any decade" way.
Voiceover: "She's holding him hostage but he's stealing her heart!" Flashes of Melissa kidnapping Mario, smashing his cellphone so he can't call anyone, and locking him in a room. If there wasn't this upbeat music in the background you would think this was a new slasher flick. Flashes of her looking out the window lovingly at him playing in the snow, a la Belle in Beauty in the Beast when she cannot BELIEVE she is falling for a monster (Remember "there may be something there that wasn't there before?" Classic. What? What's there mama? I'll tell you when you're older, Chip! Sorry, Disney tangent).
Then we hear Mario joke "You know, a federal offense puts you on the naughty list this year!" Nevermind his phone has been smashed and he's locked out in the snow and he is stuck with Melizza Joan Hart. Alone.
Final Voiceover: "This Christmas, don't miss the ABC Family world premiere of Holiday in Handcuffs!!!"

Seriously.
Holiday in Handcuffs.
I'm speechless.