Behind the Bar(s)

My new favorite study haunt this summer is a coffee shop called Mugshots.  Lots of sitting space, cozy feel, public radio playing, lots of veggie snack options - basically just wondering why I haven't moved in sooner!  The name "Mugshots" is especially clever given that the shop sits right across the street from the Eastern State Penitentiary, "America's Most Historic Prison."  It closed in 1970 but still, as you sit drinking your fair trade coffee, you can see the penitentiary's massive walls out the window.  It's actually a beautiful structure.... until a sinking feeling hits you and you realize the cruel, cruel irony of the fact that your favorite place to study for the bar is right outside a freaking prison.  Summer of hell, you are upon me.

Mnemonic Fail

For those unfamiliar with freedom of religion law, there's basically one magic Amendment (the First) and two magic clauses: the free exercise clause and the establishment clause.  Today in Barbri we were going over these clauses in about 5 minutes.  Which, I should mention, was a very different experience from my semester-long course on the two clauses (Church & State), but who's bringing little things like THAT up when the professor starts the lecture by advising you not to question or basically think for yourself in this area of the exam because the bar examiners don't like that and aren't looking for controversy, so just write down what he says and smile.

He goes over the free exercise clause in about 30 seconds (sorry, religion!) and then moved on to the three-part test for the Establishment Clause, which he had a handy little mnemonic for:  SEX.

1. S - a Secular purpose for the law is required
2. E - the primary Effect must be neither to advance nor inhibit religion, and
3. X - there must not be eXcessive government entanglement with religion.

In typing up my notes later I tried to come up with a way to associate sex with the establishment clause.  Sadly, I realized that the professor had squandered the mnemonic on the wrong clause.  Sex = free exercise!

However, I think there's still a link for the legitimate clause.  It just came to me!  AND it's actually appropriate for my feelings towards the bar:  Fuck the Establishment.

That's right, New York bar examiners - I'm talking to you.

Words and what they do NOT mean: What I have learned about NY Practice and Procedure after 10+ hrs of Barbri lectures

So I am taking the bar this summer.  Somehow after 3 years of law school this has snuck up on me.  And you know what that means?  This is probably going to be one of the best summers of my life... if you measure "best" in terms of levels of crazy (least crazy being the least fun, obviously).  I do happen to find humor in the crazy, so I figured that even if I am able to memorize very little of this stuff and live in constant fear of failure, I can at least stay semi-entertained by keeping some notes on the process!  And so, I present the first of what will be hopefully many musings on bar review.  Consider yourself one step closer to your OWN admission to the bar...

Replevin – does this actually sound like Rumpelstiltskin?  Not at all.  And yet that is all I can think about when I hear it.  A selfish gnome creature who steals babies.  Not “an order to seize chattel in an action to recover the chattel.”  Though maybe we can think of the stolen babies as chattel.  And while we’re on words that sound funny:  chattel?!?  Like cattle, but chattel can be cattle OR pens OR my bike.  Maybe like cattle + chair = chattel.  Both are chattel.  Too bad I didn’t need help memorizing that one!

Garnishee – this is a third person who holds a defendant’s property interest or owes a debt to the defenant.  But in MY world a garnishee is a cross between a banshee and spring of parsley. Maybe I should just picture the garnishee being a banshee who is holding the defendant’s parsley till judgment is made???  But the classic garnishee is a bank.  So maybe this banshee is chilling in Bank of America.   Yessss.  Done.

Impoundment – and all this time I though that when a car was “impounded” it was literally pounded in/crushed.  Whoops.  Turns out impoundment happens when a sheriff seizes your chattel and retains custody of it, in order to insure enforcement of a judgment awarding possession of your chattel to the plaintiff.  The dictionary also says that you can “impound” an animal, by “shutting up” in a pound or shelter.  Now I am really glad I know that impound does not mean crush flat.  Poor stray kittens! 

Mass Email Fail

My daily email from the National Law Journal arrived in the inbox this morning with the fabulous subject heading: Is a J.D. worth it? Nothing motivates me better on a Monday morning than fear and a general feeling of futility! Where are the mass emails entitled You can do it! and Debt is but Physical Proof that you Have Eaten from the Tree of Knowledge! Apparently I have signed up on the wrong email lists.

Here's the link to the article, which warns folks thinking about law school to "proceed with caution." More thoughts on the substance of the warnings later (which I actually think are pretty warranted). Now, back to focusing on getting that JD...

The final Finals Mix?

Finals Mix III: A Cry for Help

Help! (The Beatles)

Hard to Concentrate (Red hot chili peppers)

Misery (Soul Asylum)

Why does my heart feel so bad? (Moby)

At my window, sad and lonely (Billy bragg & Wilco)

Heaven knows I'm miserable now (The Smiths)

I'm so tired (The Beatles)

Awake is the new sleep (Ben Lee)

Sad sad situation (Bowling for soup)

Oh so sad (Andrew Bird)

I just don't know what to do with myself (My Best Friend's Wedding)

Save Me (Aimee Mann)

Save Me (Remy Zero)

Save Me (Jude)

Save Me (Dave Matthews)

Save Me (Sister Hazel)

Save Me (Aretha Franklin)

Save Me (Hanson)

Save Me (Jem)

Save Me (Queen)

I'd stop making these, but they're just way more amusing than habeas corpus. Shockingly.

Finals Mix, Part II

The Lonesomeness Sessions

Courtesy of Maura, another sad, sad 3L

These days (Royal Tennebaums)

The ice is getting thinner (Death Cab)

All by myself (Celine Dion)

All is loneliness (Janis joplin)

I'm so lonesome i could cry (Cowboy Junkies)

Nobody wants to be lonely (Ricky Martin)

Crying (Vonda Shepard)

Your heart is an empty room (Death Cab)

Somewhere a clock is ticking (Snow Patrol)

There's never enough time (The Postal Service)

Die alone (Ingrid Michaelson)

Here is the arc, as explained by Maura (That's right: It's a concept album. We obviously both have a LOT of time on our hands... that is not being used to study):

The person is getting up day after day doing the same thing, but the ice keeps getting thinner and they can't stop thinking about how they're by themselves all the time… which makes them angry… and sad… so they start crying. BUT they're so alone in an empty room it doesn't matter. Then they realize they've been spending so much time crying they haven't been working. Then they have a nervous breakdown and die alone

On that note, Happy Hannukah.

Finals Playlist

Titles of songs that get stuck in my head while I am trying to teach myself the abstention doctrine...

Disc 1: The Black Hole

Side A:

Totally Fucked (Spring Awakening)

Tears and Rain (James Blunt)

Death and all his friends (Coldplay)

Several ways to die trying (dashboard confessional)

You might die trying (DMB)

I hate everyone (Get set go)

Killing me Softly (Lauryn Hill)

Crazy (Gnarls Barkley)

Everything Sucks (reel big fish)

All you need is hate (the delgados)

Let's get Fucked up and Die (Motion City soundtrack)

Deathly (Aimee Mann)

Side B: Jackie's Remix

Black Hole (She & Him)

Fiery Crash (Andrew Bird)
Fool on a Hill (The Beatles)
She's Losing It (Belle & Sebastian)
Get Me Away From Here, I'm Dying (Belle & Sebastian)
I'm Back (Eminem)
Hard Knocks (Jay-Z)
Fuck You (Lily Allen)
Toxic (Britney Spears)
Work It (Missy Elliot)
This Is Not a Love Song (Nouvelle Vague)
Take Pills (Panda Bear)
I Fall To Pieces (Patsy Cline)
I Can't Take It (Teagan & Sarah)
Shut Up & Let me Go (The Ting Tings)

Disc 2: Supermassive Black Hole

Side A:

Supermassive Black Hole (Muse)

Evil is Alive and Well (Jakob Dylan)

Darkest Things (The Submarines)

I've seen better days (Citizen Cope)

In our Darkest Hour (Phantom Planet)

Fool to Think (DMB)

Losing Hope (Jack Johnson)

Evil (Interpol)

Better off Dead (The Faders)

Live Like You're Dying (Lenka)

Fallin' to Pieces (Rob Thomas)

In the Name of all that's Evil on Earth (Get set go)

Let Me Go (Cake)

Obviously I've been very productive tonight. Curse you, itunes search bar.

Anyone else have suggestions?